Monday, 22 August 2011
Ten years ago today, I lost my first soul mate and one of my best friends.
I didn't actually realize the date was upon me so quickly. I'm a tad bit stunned today.
I forgot to book it off from work, so I won't be heading to his grave today.
I won't be putting the white roses next to the war memorial/tombstone there. I will end up buying a white rose
and putting it on the war memorial in this city though.
I miss you Nate. You'll always be a part of me.
I have posted this before, but I took it down. I figured today would be the best day to re-post it.
I might be Nova Scotian by birth, but in my heart I’m a Prince Edward Islander.
I spent all of my childhood summers on the beach on the island.
I lived on the sand and in the water.
I never wanted to leave.
I met Nate when I was 4 or 5.
I was digging on a sand bar and saw an old lady standing in between the bars. She was staring at her feet. Being the curious kid that I was (and still am), I went over to see what she was looking at. There was a giant periwinkle. This thing was the size of a softball. Usually they are they size of marbles. She showed me the animal and was telling me stories about them. A boy of 8 or so came up to her. She was his grandmother. He wanted to go home and eat.
She introduced him as Nathaniel Alexandre.
They lived about a mile away; too far for a little girl like me to go visit alone.
I didn’t see him again for a few years. I was 9 and on my way to get lobster with my great-aunt. We were headed to the Acadian lobster plant. It was a Sunday. We had already gone to church, but mass was just getting out. Traffic was crazy! That’s when I saw him again. My great-aunt knew his grandmother. We stopped to say hello, and the women chatted for awhile. Nate and I spoke very little. I didn’t know French at the time, and he was not happy about speaking English.
The conversation went like this:
“Hi.” I said.
“Hey,” said 12 year old Nate.
“How are you?”
He walked off. I was a tad pissed at him for being “stupid” and I went back to by aunt. We went for our lobster and went home to cook it all. I never forget that conversation. It made me want to learn French so badly.
Another few years went by. I was 12 this time and I could explore the beaches alone. I decided that I was going to walk down the beach and see if I could find him and show him that I had learned some French in school. It wasn’t long until I found him.
He was sitting on a surf board that was beached.
I went up to him and said: “Hey.”
“Allo.” The French again.
“Oh you’re going to be like that now.” I had attitude.
“What do you mean?”
“All French and whatever.”
He laughed. I loved his laugh.
“Well I’m Acadian. What did you expect?”
“Do you remember me?”
“Of course I remember you. You’re Charlie’s granddaughter. The crazy red-head one.”
Great, I thought. I’m the crazy red-head.
“Sure am. How do you know my grandpa?”
“Hard not too. Your family’s been here as long as mine.”
I sat beside him. “I suppose. Why are you sitting on the beach on the board?”
I nodded. We sat there for a few minutes, until his mother called him for lunch.
“Where are you staying?” He said.
“Okay. Maybe I’ll come down that way later.”
“Okay.” I walked back down the beach, beaming. I was a 12 year old in love with a French guy.
My mother knew where I had went. Nate’s beach was on the shore where my land is today. It wasn’t mine while he was alive.
He didn’t come down that day or the next. He came the day we were leaving. I was sitting on a bench looking at the water, waiting to get in the car to go home. He said that he was sorry for not coming sooner. I gave him the cold shoulder. He wanted my address. He would write. I gave him my address.
He wrote every week. Little things about school, church, the weather. Normal stuff for us to write about. I found out that he was 15 that summer. He was 3 years older than me.
The next summer was busy for me and I only got to go to PEI for 2 weeks instead of 6. I was 13, finally a teenager. I was boy crazy and missed seeing him. That was the year that my family got our own cottage on our own land. That meant I was going to be neighbours with him.
We saw each other practically every day. I would go to the beach and sit and wait for him to be done at the farm and we would sit and talk all day and most of the night.
One night, I fell asleep on the beach. We had been roasting marshmallows and I was so full of them and the fresh sea air that I laid down for a moment and was out. I’m not sure how long I was out, but he woke me up.
“Time to go home Princess.”
“Huh? What time is it?”
“10:30 or so.”
“Shit!” I jumped up and gathered my things.
“Wait. Sit for a minute. I want to ask you something.” I sat. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”
“What?” Remember, I was 13.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Because I’m suppose to.”
“Um. Okay. I guess.”
First kiss for both of us. First love for both of us. We wrote just about everyday until October. In my grandpa’s church, there’s a big turkey dinner fundraiser on the weekend of my birthday. Of course we always attend and help out.
October is too cold to be hanging around the beach. We stayed inland with my grandpa. I wasn’t expecting to see Nate that weekend.
We went down to a cousin’s to visit. They live on the shore. They also happen to live down the road from the cemetery where my grandma (and now my grandpa) is buried.
I was sitting there, on the grass in front of the grave, telling her all about Nate. Creepy, yes I know. She was 5 when I died, give me a break. So I’m talking away when I hear a car pull in the church yard.
I jumped up and ran to him and gave him a huge hug.
“What are you doing sitting on the ground in a graveyard?”
“Talking to Grandma.”
“O..kay.” Typical boy response.
“What are you doing here?”
“Drove by, saw you there. Happy birthday. I didn’t get you anything because I was going to mail it to you on Monday.”
He walked me back down the road and kissed me goodbye.
The package came Thursday. It was a ring. My hands are tiny, but they were even smaller then. It doesn’t even fit on my little finger now. I do still have it.
We lost our virginities the following summer.
Nate turned 18 that year as well. Graduated from high school. This is when the story gets sad.
He had enlisted in the Canadian Army as an infantry soldier. Front line kind of deal. I didn’t hear from him while he was doing basic training. I didn’t hear from him during his courses. I didn’t know what to think.
Birthday 15 came around. My secret Army boyfriend hadn’t written me in almost 6 months. We had an Indian summer that year. It was really warm on my birthday and I decided to go for a walk on the beach. I took my shoes off and went searching for Sea Glass.
“Allo.” It was Nate’s cousin, Drew.
“Bonne Fete.” (Happy Birthday)
“Oh is he now.” I was pissed at him.
First fight I guess.
“Yeah, he’s at Ana’s.” Ana is another cousin.
I said nothing.
“He wants to see you, but can’t get away. Everyone is fussing over him”
I followed Drew to the house. I was wearing the ring. Hadn’t taken it off since the day I got it.
I saw him and started crying. He hugged me and apologized over and over.
“I’m being posted.” He started crying.
I stood in shock. I didn’t say anything. His grandmother came over and dragged him away. I left. Drew drove me back to my aunt’s house. That was the last time I saw Nate for 3 years.
On May 7th, 1998, Nate turned 19. He was allowed a call home. They were in the middle of nowhere, so calls home were rare. He called me. We were allowed to talk for 15 minutes. We didn’t say much more than “I love you” and “I miss you” over and over. There was lots of silence, just us listening to the other breathe and cry into the phone.
In August, he was M.I.A. A bombing. Everyone was accounted for, except for him. His mother called me to tell me. That’s when my depression started.
Little did I know, he wasn’t dead. He wasn’t in Bosnia. He was in Calgary. He had deserted. He was hiding out with his sister. No one, including his mother, knew.
He was in a car accident while he was there. In a coma for almost a year. I was 17 when he called me.
I picked up the phone after school one day. I was the only one home, so I picked up the strange number.
“Princess.” A sigh of relief.
“Is this a joke?” I was yelling.
“Max, listen. I’m alive, barely, but I’m alive. In a hospital in Calgary. I can’t talk long, but I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
“Bad, I guess.”
“What’s the good news?”
“I’m coming home.”
The summer of 1999, Drew taught me to drive. Nate couldn’t, obviously. He took his blindness very badly; was very depressed. He would sit on the beach with me and tell me about overseas, ask me about the water. We would just sit and talk.
Later in the summer, we were all out sailing. Nate fell and hit his head. He was fine.
“Princess?” I was bending over him to make sure he was ok.
“I forgot how blue your eyes were.”
We all freaked out. The hit on the head gave Nate his sight back.
He was rushed to the hospital. It turned out that he had a tumor sitting on his optic nerve; it had been temporarily making him blind. He went into surgery asap to have it removed. He was going to be fine.
I was graduating from high school the next year. I was 18, Nate was 21. He was supposed to take me to prom. I was so excited for all of my friend’s to finally meet him.
A few weeks before prom, Nate was complaining of headaches and loss of vision. His mother was concerned and took him to the doctor. The tumor had returned and was growing too quickly. It had to be removed.
I went to prom dateless. Nate was still in the hospital. The day after I graduated, was the day my life ended. Nate was dieing. The tumor had grown fast because it was cancerous. He had weeks, maybe months to live.
They brought him to the mainland for treatment. I lived at the hospital. I still can’t go into that wing today and it’s been 10 years.
On August 15th, 2001, his church’s priest came to visit. Nate took one look at me and said:
“Remember that ring?”
“Of course.” I had grown out of it but I wore it on a chain around my neck.
“I wanted to marry you when you graduated from University you know.”
I was in shock yet again. He had a way of doing that to me.
“Will you marry me now instead?”
I nodded because I couldn’t speak.
The priest married us right there, in the hospital room. It was never legal by the government, but it was by the church and that’s all that mattered to Nate.
On August 19th, I woke up in his arms. He didn’t.
*writer's note - I did post this on Aug 19th, but the code was bad. I just fixed it :)*
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
6:00 Everyone I know has a daily morning and night routine. I used to too. Until I met I guy who eventually screwed it up. He used and abused me and lied about everything to me. I literally had to pack up my things and move in a day. That was 3 years ago. I haven't had a routine since. But last night I decided that it was time to get in gear and do something about it.
So while I was watching TV, I gave myself a mani/pedi. Usually I don't paint my finger nails, but for some reason I wanted to last night. Then I cleaned the kitchen. Wrong order I know, but that was my mood at the time. Then I made tea. I'm not a huge fan of tea, but then again it was my mood at the time.
So I watched TV until about 22:00 and I decided that I'd go to bed. So I took my contacts out (which I never do, I always sleep in them), brushed my hair and teeth and went to read in bed. Well I read for an hour and turned off the light. I laid there for about 30 minutes. Still couldn't sleep. So I got up and played video games until 2:00, then went back to bed. Thankfully I went to sleep.
When my alarm went off at 6:00, I would usually hit snooze. After only 4 hours of sleep, I was wide awake. I went and sloshed some mouthwash around and made a coffee. Then I started this post.
Mind you my Man isn't home yet (he went away for a long weekend to help on the farm), so usually I wouldn't be blogging at 6:00, but still I think I'm going to take this one day at a time and get back into that routine.
8:30 Wow time flies. I'm behind on my laundry already. Opps. I"m on my second cup of coffee and the kitchen is almost completely clean. I just need to take out the garbage, but it's raining so I've been avoiding it.
12:00 Our bedroom is officially set up! I finally got the new bedding on the bed and all the pillows (minus the two euro shams, I need to buy the pillows for them first). I just need to find some art work for above the bed and it's complete.
Next room to set up will be the guest room I think. It'll be easier since we really don't use it, so it doesn't get messed up. I just have to get all the junk out of it. We've been using it mostly as a storage room.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
I wish I had a food post for you guys, but I don't. We need groceries, but pay day isn't til Monday so we're eating a lot of Kraft Dinner and burgers that we had frozen. I might bake some cookies if I get into a better mood but for now it's me being depressed.
I wish I could go back in time and start University over and do something that I would have gotten a job in, instead of getting a completely useless degree. Ugh!
Thursday, 04 August 2011
Summer is flying! We just got back from vacation Sunday night around midnight, so I'm just getting a chance to sit and write now. Sadly, I didn't take any pictures and I don't really have anything to write about. It wasn't really a vacation for me, other than the fact that I didn't have to go to work for 10 days. We went to Ontario for my boyfriend's competition, so we were doing that the whole week. It actually kind of sucked for me. I wanted to play tourist, but that just didn't happen. Next year I'm going somewhere by myself so I can play tourist.
Monday, 18 July 2011
10 Sorry I didn't write yesturday. We ride a motorcycle, and well, it was hot and sunny yesturday, so when I got off work, we went riding with friends until 21:30 (9:30pm for you folk not on the 24 hour clock).
My legs are all better after almost a week. I didn't realize how out of shape I was. I will fix that in the next few months :) I haven't done my workout yet today, but I'll post it later when I do do it.
My BF, who still needs a nickname, is on duty tonight, which means 27 hours to myself :) I love him, don't get me wrong, but it's so night to have a night to myself and get some girly things done. Maybe I'll actually get some work done and catch up on my shows. I finally finished Season 6 of Bones and I can't wait til Season 7! Now I'm working on Season 2 of Glee.
15:45 I finally got around to cleaning and baking. I will post the cake tomorrow if I get time. I think we have plans for the day, but they will be cancelled if it's raining.
Saturday, 16 July 2011
I'm sitting here being really bored and frustrated. The number one thing I hate about moving is the unpacking. I can't find anything, and it's screwing with my routine. Ugh!! I had a total meltdown tonight because I couldn't find everything for a facial. My face is all broken out, and it's because I can't find all my stuff.
I haven't had time to bake anything because I'm working so much but I'm going to try and pop out some recipes this week so that i'm not totally behind when we get back from vacation.
Enjoy your Saturday Night!
Friday, 15 July 2011
Sorry, I'm addicted to the Glee version...
So my legs are still killing me. I took a bath, my boyfriend helped me stretch them out, and he massaged the muscles with lots of crying from me. They are getting better, but I'm not going to work out today because of them. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, but if not, it'll be upper body day again and so my legs won't really be needed anyways.
Now time for a little rant.
My Lovely Boyfriend is helping a co-worker move tonight. We'll call him Jim. Jim lives with his girlfriend in an apartment. We'll call her Sarah. Sarah's a nurse. Sarah tends to go home on her days off (home is 4 hours away). This makes Jim mad, because he thinks she's cheating on him with someone at home and that's why she goes home a lot. My boyfriend claims that Jim has proof. So Jim has pretty much broken up with Sarah without actually telling her. Jim bought a house. Sarah doesn't know. Jim is moving out of their apartment tonight.
I think the whole thing just sounds wrong. There seems to be a lot of lieing going on with either party. Of course I don't know the whole story about Jim and Sarah but this is what I've gotten over the last little while. It's so weird. Blah!
So it looks like my boyfriend has decided not to go home for the weekend now. He hasn't exactly told me why he's not going. He loves going to the country and seeing his grandparents, who raised him. So my baking/blogging plans have been moved back yet again. I am planning on baking cookies tonight, so I should have that post up this weekend.
Thursday, 14 July 2011
I can't believe that it's Thursday already. My man (who I need a nickname for) is heading to the range after work so I'm on my own for awhile tonight. Then he's heading home, about an hour and a half from where we live, for the weekend. So I should be able to get another couple food posts up.
My legs are still killing me from yesturday so I wanted to do either an arm workout or an ab one. So I went to YouTube and searched the BodyRockTv archives and I found the first video they have posted is an ab workout. Total score!
It only took me about 20 minutes to do that workout. It's pretty easy and it works pretty good. Abs are definitely feeling it.
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
7:30 I wish I could take a picture of the fog here today, but the picture wouldn't really show how thick it is.
It's another rainy day here. May and June had rain just about daily and now it's back. This is Day 2 of rain. It's kinda sad that I have to wear a sweater to work in July.
My parents are visiting for a few days. My Dad has to get some tests run at the hospital here in the city, due to the heart attacks that he had about a month ago. He's much better now, but we'll see how he feels after the tests are over today. I can imagine he'll be very tired.
8:15 I'm going to try and work out today, since I can't go for a run. It's pouring out right now :(
I only got half way through part one and had to stop. My heart couldn't take it. Then again, it was the first workout that I've ever tried of theirs, so i don't think I did horrible. I can only get better.
Squats (no weight) 8,8,7,6
Jump Push Up (from my knees and walking not jumping) 3,3,3,2
I did try the jumping part before walking but I found I wasn't jumping back far enough and had to step back anyways.
9:15 OMG my legs are dieing. I hope I can walk at work today.
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
I want so many things for my kitchen.
KitchenAid Mixer in Boysenberry
This mixer is my Number One want.
A few Silpat liners in different sizes.
My cookie sheets look horrible after having cooking oil on them. This would solve that.
I've always wanted to use one.
Stainless Steel Popsicle Molds.
How more Adult can you get?
Individual Mini Loaf Pans
They're linked together, but you can handle each one separately!
I will be updating this list as I find more amazing things I think I need!
Monday, 11 July 2011
I love this recipe for a number of reasons.
Chili is a favourite in our family. My Dad makes chili that simmers all day on the stove. Literally all day. It is a-maz-ing! I know that I'm never going to top it, but I'm sure going to try. My parents are actually coming down tomorrow, so he'll be able to have some. Total coincidence.
It has chicken. I love chicken. Chicken is good for you, and it's yummy. Yippee!
It takes basically no time to make and most of the ingredients, I have in my house at all times.
Chicken Chili a la Martha Stewart
- 10 plum tomatoes, halved lengthwise
- 1 jalapeno chile, halved (seeded if desired)
- 1 white onion, peeled and halved (I used a yellow one, 'cause that's what I had)
- 4 garlic cloves, peeled
- 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
- 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (think bite-sized here, peoples!)
- 1/4 cup chili powder
- 2 canned chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, finely chopped (I can't find these anywhere in my part of Canada, so I just leave it out.)
- 1 3/4 cups homemade or store-bought low-sodium chicken stock (Campbell's ftw)
- 1 can (15 ounces) kidney beans, drained (I used white ones this time 'round. Something different.)
Disclamer: I didn't take pictures of each step. I might with some recipes, depending on the type of thing I'm making. In the link above, there's a great video to go along with the recipe if you want to see how it's made.
Preheat broiler, with rack 3 inches from heat source. Arrange tomatoes, jalapeno, onion, and garlic, cut side down, on a rimmed baking sheet. Broil until starting to char, about 5 minutes. Pulse tomatoes and jalapeno in a blender or a food processor until chunky. Chop onion and mince garlic.
Heat a large heavy skillet (preferably enamel cast-iron) over medium-high heat. Add oil. Working in batches, brown chicken in a single layer, allowing to sear before stirring, 5 to 6 minutes; transfer to a plate.
Reduce heat to medium. Add onion and garlic to skillet. Cook until soft and golden, about 8 minutes. Add chili powder and 2 teaspoons salt. Cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Stir in chipotles, and add chicken. Raise heat to high. Add tomato-jalapeno mixture. Cook, scraping up browned bits, until fully incorporated, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in stock; simmer for 20 minutes. Add beans; simmer for 10 minutes.
This is my new Cast Iron Dutch Oven. Isn't it pretty?
This is my Chicken Chili. Yum! I can't wait!
11:00 Work was a bit crazy last week, so I didn't get a chance to edit many posts or do much baking/cooking. BUT I'm headed to Superstore right after this Food Network show (I will actually stop watching long enough to go shopping, I promise!) to get some chicken and other supplies.
I'm going to have a couple chicken dishes and some desserts posted in the next couple of weeks.
Oh and I need to plant some herb seeds. I'm way behind schedule but I can bring them inside when fall gets here.
So off I go!
12:40 Oh wow it's warm out there today and I'm actually going to heat up the kitchen. Oh well, food must be cooked to feed the boy.
Have a great Monday!
Tuesday, 05 July 2011
I've decided to start this whole blog over. Thankfully it's not that old and deleting posts wasn't that hard. This blog will probably end up being a mix of food, drinks, and stresses. Basically a written down version of my life.
I live with my boyfriend who's in the Canadian Navy. For the past year, he's been home most of the time, but we're preparing for him to be away a lot after Christmas. So in the mean time, I'm trying to discover his favorite foods and drinks since now's the only time I have.
We're also in the middle of the start of a major change in lifestyle. We've started to become runners and I quit smoking. We've bought some gym equipment. I've been trying to gain 30 pounds, since I'm underweight, and my man's trying to get rid of some fat.
So let's see how this goes.
Wish me luck,
Things I want to Master
Peanut Butter Cookies
645 - Work out.
715 - Make shake.
730 - Shower, brush teeth.
800 - Dry hair/tie up. Do make up.
845 - Leave for work.
1800 - Blog.
1845 - Take off make up
1900 - Go for a run.
1930 - Brush teeth, hair, white strips
2000 - TV
2100 - Bed
Short Term Goals
Plant herbs for balcony.
Create more goals, long and short.
Long Term Goals
Find a new job.
Save enough for trip for 2
Finish all Goals